Why I can't watch movies where people collapse

Before I start ranting, let me make a plug for why everyone should learn to do CPR (cardio-pulmonary resuscitation)- not just healthcare professionals. Here are the Top 10 reasons to take CPR or First-Aid Training. "Over 70% of all cardiac and breathing emergencies occur in the home when a family member is present and available to help a victim". I'm not sure that statistic is entirely accurate but the point is that lay-people are usually first at the scene and every second lost is crucial. In the UK, there is a campaign to get CPR taught in all schools as a mandatory skill. That can't be a bad thing.

Now, on to my rant. Consider the following generic scene from a movie: Person collapses. They are unrousable. Friend or by-stander jumps in heroically and does a couple chest compressions and the victim magically recovers. I find such scenes laughable for many reasons but I'll just pick a couple.

1. How often do people stop to assess a victim's pulse or breathing?

Fair enough, it probably takes up too much time on screen for what should be a fast-paced, dramatic scene. But seriously, just shouting at someone is not going to tell you if they are breathing or have a pulse. In addition to which, if the rescuer does stop to assess the pulse, he might as well just stick his finger in the victim's nose. I'm sorry, you are not going to get a good pulse by practically occluding a person's windpipe. If the victim is breathing or has a pulse, there is another reason why they are momentarily unrousable. CPR is therefore inappropriate. Maybe they've fainted and need a drink of water... But that wouldn't do very well at the box office would it?

2. What's wrong with the above picture?

Rescuers in movies often do these really wishy-washy, spineless chest compressions with bent elbows while looking into the distance with desperate eyes full of tears. Well, first of all, by this point, you probably should have called 999 shouldn't you? But again, why waste time when you can clearly handle this yourself.... not. If you bend your elbows, you are doing more to tone your upper arms than you are to help the victim.

3. Trying to inflate someone's lungs is not the same as kissing them

Usually if the rescuer is a man and the victim a woman (or vice versa), they more often than not have a romantic connection. Him saving her life is meant to prove his undying love. He, therefore, does these dainty breaths that look like delicate kisses. You are meant to seal the other person's mouth with yours and adjust their neck so the air actually gets down their windpipe. But why mess her lipstick up? She needs it for the next scene.

So I hope I have convinced you that Hollywood lies and that you should learn to do CPR the right way. Here's a good place to start if you want to be trained. And if you haven't been trained, anyone can do hands-only CPR. Learn how to do that with this funny video.